I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
