we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
