hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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