Nicole vs. Life
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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