So drunk its hurt
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
