Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
