remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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