She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
