i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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