Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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