Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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