I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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