TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
