It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
