do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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