maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
