well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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