Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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