the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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