Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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