mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I want her autograph on my taint
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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