sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
