I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
