i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I pour the whiskey from now on
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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