I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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