If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
