it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
