Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
