Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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