It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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