he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
