She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
