I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
