Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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