Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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