When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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