i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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