I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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