My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
