the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
