if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
