How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
