hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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