hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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