woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
