I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
