she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
