I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
