I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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