Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
