you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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