Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
