wanna go halves on a baby?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
