Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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