Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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