Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
