After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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