Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
