Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
