I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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