Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
