smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
