if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
