Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
