this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
