They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
