Can i not drive my cunt home
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
