i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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