The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
