to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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